Part 24: New Pork City
A limousine appears at the entrance of Chupichupyoi temple. The driver comes out, and says the following:
“Master Lucas, yes? Our great leader and new king of the entire world, Master Porky, cordially invites you to the greatest city in the world: New Pork City. I will take you there in this stretch limousine, so please step inside.”
Master Porky?! Porky, the kid from EarthBound who plotted against Ness every step of the way is the one behind the Pigmask Army of Mother 3?! This might not actually be much of a surprise to you if you’ve paid close attention. If it was a surprise, I recommend re-reading Part 0, where I explain the plot of EarthBound; it will be very useful in understanding this part of the game. At the end of EarthBound, Porky did say that he would be back after Ness defeated Giygas. While Giygas himself was destroyed, his influence has never gone away, and it has lingered inside Porky this entire time. He seems to have not grown up any bit since the occurrences of EarthBound, as the playroom in Thunder Tower suggested. But how did he get to become the ruler of the world? These details will be explained later. For now, we ride in a flying limousine to New Pork City.
Inside the limousine, you’ll find it to be quite spacious. There are all sorts of fun things inside. For example, there’s a stage! However, the game describes, “It looks like you could sing a song from it, but you can’t even get on it.” There are also “Grownup drinks” that neither kids nor adults can drink. Along with the grownup drinks is a table that looks like you can play blackjack on it, but you can’t.
There is also a pool table and a tabletop game – neither of which you can play. Nothing about this limousine is real; it looks cool, but when you try to take it for any more than face value, it’s disappointing. There is no depth to any of the attractions in here; it’s pure novelty. After enough time passes, Lucas arrives at his destination, New Pork City:
Chapter 8: All things…
For how much everyone has been talking about this place, you’d think it would be at least a little more impressive than it is. This looks more like a theme park than a city. The music played in this scene perfectly encapsulates that sentiment: the trumpets try as hard as they can to sound grand, as they rise in pitch not once, not twice, but three times! However, it plays slowly, and every other instrument sounds dead. The melody – the framework of the song – is there, but without anything to support it, it isn’t very exciting. Only the part that you would hum is slightly energetic, and that’s the only part that Porky seems to care about.
When you enter the city, the very first person you talk to says, “I know, man. I know all about you. You’re here to destroy New Pork City, aren’t you?” Thanks for the warm welcome! Why would Porky invite Lucas and his friends to New Pork City with the expectation that they would destroy it? It sounds like he’s just staging everything up like one big game, where he puts himself as close to possible as being in danger without ever getting truly hurt.
Everywhere you go, you can find fun attractions, but upon closer inspection, they’re all just cardboard cutouts. Again, everything here exists for the sake of novelty, and is consumed at a rapid pace without ever being thoroughly enjoyed. But as long as you’re king of the world and have infinite resources, why bother taking your time with anything when there’s still so much more to see?
The song that plays in New Pork City is ironically named, ‘Isn’t This Such a Utopia?!’ A remixed version of this song exists in Super Smash Bros. which is called, ‘You Call This a Utopia?!’ I think that’s pretty funny. This song is all over the place. It starts off sounding like another Pigmask’s song, which is really Porky’s song, before turning into carnival music, which then turns into a merry-go-round song, which then turns into jazz. There’s so much to do in this city! It’s all so much so much fun! Isn’t it?! This song sounds like Porky’s personalized playground. Everything he ever dreamed of having is in New Pork City.
Around the city, you can find all of Lucas’s neighbors from Tazmily, as well as some nameless NPCs. Some of the villagers will talk about how cool the place is, but others will see through the cardboard wall in front of them:
Richie says, “Oh, you’re here too, Lucas? I’d love to meet Master Porky someday. He’s the person who built this city!”
Nichol says, “This city has a real ‘kiddie’ vibe to it.”
You can encounter someone wearing a Pigmask uniform. He says, “Lucas. You’re the dear and charming guest that Master Porky is looking for?! Oh, it’s me! Isaac! I’m a big shot now. But, Lucas. I didn’t know you were anyone special! If you do anything to defy Master Porky… then you and me’ll be enemies!”
Biff says, “I don’t know if everyone is gathering here in the city, or if they’re BEING gathered instead. But if you’re here, Lucas, that means everyone really is here now.”
Bob says, “Dona’s a sucker for art. She’s been stuck to this one spot for what seems forever now.”
Tessie says, “This is the big city life! Or is it? It somehow doesn’t seem like it.”
The nameless NPCs will rejoice in the freedoms of the city:
“You’re free in this city. Master Porky has given you your freedom.”
“Walk, stop, sleep, shout… You’re free to do it all!”
Walking, stopping, sleeping, and using your ‘outside voice’ are used as examples of freedom? Is that all that this person could come up with, or is that all that is permitted?
Let’s tour some of the places that aren’t made of cardboard. First, there’s “Beauty & Tasty,” a restaurant. Inside, you can find robots who look identical to Porky’s mom, Lardna. They say things like “There’s nothing wrong with being picky!” and “Fill yourself up with your favorite food and nothing else! That’s this restaurant’s… rule.” Bronson is the only person inside the restaurant, and he states that it’s empty as ever. On the menu, there are items such as King’s Burger, which the game describes as “packed so full that the buns barely hold it together,” and Rich Kid Stew, “a delicious stew with no bitter vegetables.”
Next up, there’s the Porky Amusement Park. It’s packed with all sorts of fun rides in such a small place! It’s so small, that you can’t even ride anything.
Take a visit to the King Porky statue! A plaque in front of it says, “The smartest, bravest, and toughest chubster of all time. Here stands a statue of our great leader, Master Porky.” He stands on a massive tree stump with metal supports engraved in it. There are even some lights on it to make the tree pretty. Surrounding the tree is the only patch of grass in the city, which has been contaminated by purple sewage. Cans and other trash are littered around.
Why don’t you stop at Arcade 1-Up? It’s got a crane game that you can’t play! Games that you can play include pinball and Baked Yam Game. Thomas is inside, and if you try to talk to him, he says, “I’m totally owning at this game right now, so don’t talk to me! Gosh!”
Next stop: the theater! A movie hand-picked by Porky is currently playing. If you look at the screen, you’ll see pictures taken directly from EarthBound, showing all the wonderful adventures Ness and his friends have been on. Curiously, there is a hole in one of the speakers that leads directly to the sewers. However, Lucas is too big to go through it. Everyone in the theater is complaining about the stinkbug that came from the sewer, as it’s stinking the whole place up. They also note that stinkbugs have a really good memory. If you investigate one of the chairs, you’ll find the stinkbug, which Boney chases around, and eventually jumps into the sewer entrance to chase after it. I guess that concludes the tour, as we now have to find another way into the sewer system.
If you do some sleuthing around the city, you’ll find a random guy that somehow knows there is a secret entrance to the sewer inside the arcade. When you get in, it’s absolutely filthy, as you might expect. You can hear Boney’s barking echoing throughout. At the end of the sewer, there’s a door that leads to what looks like an old, dirty apartment building. Trash bags and shopping carts are everywhere. What is this doing in the glamorous New Pork City?
I absolutely love the song that plays in this apartment complex. It sounds completely defeated, as displayed by the drawn out notes of the accordion and the strings glumly plucking up and down. New Pork City stands on filth and grime. Under closer inspection, it’s actually the least glamorous place around. Dirty, abandoned living spaces always haunt the image of the city. In order to appear as fabulous as New Pork City, certain things must be entirely compromised and ignored. This area reminds me of the worn-down areas of major cities in our world. On one street, there are expensive shops filled with luxury items, and on the next street, tents cover every square inch, inhabited by people just trying to survive. These apartments were literally built inside a sewage system, and had to be abandoned because they became uninhabitable. I doubt the places that people live in now are much better than here.
Inside one of the rooms is Boney and… Leder, the freakishly tall man who stood by the bell tower in Tazmily?! His long legs are tied up to a ball and chain. He requires a special room to be imprisoned, since he’s so huge. On the second floor of his room, many books are lying around. When you talk to Leder, he has many, many, many things to say.
This concludes part 24 of the analysis. In the next part, we will listen to what Leder has to tell us.