Part 27: Porky
After going through seemingly hundreds of the 100th floor, you finally reach Porky’s room.
The camera pans up to a ceiling covered in vines, and what appears to be veins. A dramatic bolt of lightning flashes outside.
“The beginning of the end. The end, of everything.”
When the camera comes back down, Porky appears. “Let’s be friends. I’m Porky. I’m really just this meek little boy.” He imposingly walks toward Lucas and his friends, “Please dote over me more. Please talk to me like good boys and girls. You know, just like me.” Lucas refuses his request. “That’s. Not. Very. Nice. Now is it? Actually… I’m not very nice either.” Porky proceeds to explode. Suddenly, multiple different Porky’s fall from the ceiling and attack! Will we ever get to meet this guy?
Porky bots come in droves to fight Lucas and friends. They do things like “mechanically attack,” or “play mechanically dead,” or “form a mechanical truce,” and when one is destroyed, it creates a mechanical explosion. These are really, definitely, absolutely robots and not the real deal. They also bring in random Chimeras from throughout the game to assist in battle. The song that plays here is super catchy; it’s a chiptune cover of a song from way earlier in the game. The beeps and boops are reminiscent of the song from when Ness fought Porky in EarthBound. Even at the 100th floor, we are still just playing Porky’s game.
After enough fighting, Lucas gets some backup from the DCMC, who scrap the remaining Porky bots! They, along with Flint, Alec, Wess, Lighter, Fuel, Dr. Andonuts, and Bronson, the last ones to have left Tazmily, catch up to Lucas at the top of the tower. Porky’s voice speaks over the telecom:
“*cough* *wheeze* *cough* Come a little closer so I can see your face better… Oh, is that what you look like? I was the one who brought you here. A traveler who has journeyed to and from past and future. I’m the most clever, most charming, and most trouble-making boy ever… Master Porky Minch! I welcome you once again, you weak hangers-on pretending to be the last survivors of this world! Spankety, spankety, spankety! Ahahahahaha!”
The real Porky reveals himself. He slowly descends from the vine-laden ceiling, grey and old, lying on his literal death bed.
“*cough* *cough*…*wheeze* *wheeze* You resorted to blanking your memories to create a new world where humanity’s past failures would never be repeated. How stupid can you be?! No matter how much you change the rules, no matter how much you refuse to admit defeat, in the end, the creatures known as “people” will always sign their own death warrant by acting out of stupidity and evil. And then… mankind will be gone for good. You could’ve been happy, if only you would’ve done as I did and obediently followed the visionary, selfish desires of a great hero… *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* Why is it you struggle to cling to life with such puny minds, pitiable bodies, and feeble hearts? Well, no matter. The curtain is about to fall on this pathetic little play of yours. Because, soon, the power of power will be mine. The world and everything in it has been my oyster so far, and now I’ll end it all by acquiring the ultimate power. Heheheh heheh. Aha ahahaha ahahahahahaha… *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* Whew… Though everything so far has been fun and games, I’ve given you many a concession. I was bored out of my mind and wanted to play something more thrilling, you see. But, now that we’re face-to-face like this, I won’t hold anything back. My slave… My lifeless son will pull the final Needle for me. And, the moment he does, the Dragon should awaken and do as I want. At which time, I assume you fools will turn into garbage or dust or something and finally disappear for good. Ahahaha. I’ll admit, that is kind of sad. But I would be crushed under the weight of boredom if it were any other way. *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* Do you understand now? Do you understand the sadness Master Porky bears, now that he’s god-like? Ahahaha. Aha ahahahaha. *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough*”
A red light flashes in the room, and an alarm sounds. “Oh! You love your little dramatic plays, so this couldn’t have come at a better time for you! It seems the seventh and final Needle has just been located deep underground, below here.” Dr. Andonuts walks forth and proclaims, “I refuse to help you anymore!” Porky laughs,
“Waha… Waha… Wahahahahaha! I assume you want to pull it too, right, Lucas? Why not go and check it out then? I’m even being fair enough to tell you where it is. That really will make this game all the more fun! But I think I’ll use my shortcut to give myself a head start, if you don’t mind! Ahahahahahahaha! *cough* *cough* *cough* *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* Bring it on! If you can catch up to me, that is! Here, you can use this elevator all you want! Spankety, spankety, spankety! *wheeze* *gasp*”
Porky spoke with such cockiness, despite pausing with every other sentence to catch his breath. Porky, as he himself states, is now god-like. He has had infinite time and resources to do anything he wanted, and now he’s done it all. All that’s left for him to do is end all life with the awakening of the Dark Dragon. It seems we’re getting dangerously close to beating him at his own game, so he stops messing around and takes a shortcut to the seventh Needle. He probably expected the team to die to the Natural Killer Cyborg, and had his Porky bots as a backup plan. Now that they are all defeated, it truly is a race to pull the final Needle. Depending on whether the Masked Man or Lucas pulls it, the world could either be ultimately destroyed, or recreated into a new Eden.
Porky ascends back up to the ceiling, and Lucas, Kumatora, Duster, Boney, and Flint fall from under the floor. The game shows them falling for a minute straight; this needle is in the very center of the Earth. When the elevator finally reaches the underground, Flint asks to go ahead of everyone else, saying something has him concerned. After some time passes, the crew marches on. They walk down a very long flight of steps. Along the way, Lucas finds a familiar doorknob, but accidentally drops it into the deep abyss.
At the very bottom of the world, the team enters a cave that looks strikingly similar to Giygas’s cave from EarthBound. Colorful lightning sparks upwards from the floor. The enemies that live down here might not even be alive – they’re just flashes of electricity and geometric rocks. They have no face, or mouth, or ears, and they spontaneously move in random directions, neutral to your presence. If you accidentally bump into one, every other one in the area draws near to fight you. What is this place? I think settings like this are where you can see Itoi’s strengths shine the most; he’s great at creating mysterious things that have no explanation. Think of the vein-like things on the vine-laden ceiling where Porky came down from. What are those things? Do they assist in keeping him alive? There’s never an explanation – they’re just there. And what is the origin of these “enemies” that you fight underground? It makes you wonder how many things in our own world are still undiscovered.
Also, in the first picture, you will see that there is a little metal bridge between a gap in the floor. Something tells me that the Needle was not discovered when Porky said it was…
Further in, Boney notices Flint’s hat, floating away in the wind.
Just a few steps further, you reconvene with Flint, kneeling on the ground:
“That… That masked man… He’s Claus. Lucas… He’s your brother… Claus. I don’t know why he’s obeying this Porky guy, but as a father, I’ve finally found the son I lost. Lucas. Be happy. I’ve finally, finally found your brother. The final Needle… Lucas… Make sure YOU pull it. I’ll catch up with you in a bit… Don’t worry about me. Just hurry to the final Needle!”
What a tragic turn of events! The Masked Man really is Claus. You may have figured that out a while ago, but when Flint realizes it, it starts to sink in. Ever since the fateful day three years ago, Flint has devoted his life to searching for Claus, and now he has finally found him. Even though Claus has been turned into a weaponized Chimera, it’s still him. To Flint, it is a sigh of relief to see him standing, but to anyone playing this game, Claus may have met with a terrible fate beyond death. But Flint’s fatherly love can’t help but rejoice.
Further in, there is a present lying around. Inside is a real bat, the last weapon that Ness used. Lucas equips it. It seems Porky wants to have one final rematch with his childhood hero, whom he bitterly envied. Further in, Porky appears, riding in a spider-like bed machine.
“*cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* This really is no time for games anymore. I don’t feel like letting you go any further. If you’re after the Needle, then don’t worry. My adorable little monster is on its way to it as we speak. *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* * gasp* …Huh? That monster’s name is Claus? Its name was Claus?! That almost sounds like a person’s name! But now it’s my robot. Not even a fragment of life remains inside it. It’s Master Porky’s slave robot! It does whatever I say! It acts on my will alone. It’s my double. It doesn’t know anything about who you are! *cough* *cough*”
Somehow, Porky is more heartless than his robot. This dialogue was meticulously written for you to hate him as much as possible. He has a coughing fit, before declaring that his game is over, ending it prematurely because it looks that he is losing. He reassures Lucas to not worry about the Needle being pulled, since his “adorable little monster” is about to get it; we know who he’s talking about. During another break of catching for air, Lucas tells Porky the robot’s real name. Calling him a monster, Porky asks in shock, “it is Claus?” before mockingly adding, “It was Claus?!” He goes on to explain that Claus is not alive, but an animated corpse. He rubs it in Lucas’s face another time that his brother is no longer with him. Instead, he is with Porky, merely existing to pass on Porky’s heart to the Dark Dragon. What a wicked person he is.
He commences battle with you.
Porky gives a monologue throughout the fight:
“Let me fill you in on something. No matter how much you attack me, I’ll never die. Even if I somehow wind up beaten, I’ll never die. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?
“I’ve gone through time and space so many times that I haven’t aged like a normal person. Who knows, I might be 1,000 years old, or even 10,000 years old. But, despite that, I’m still the same kid at heart! Is that funny? It is, isn’t it? Does it make you laugh? *cough* *wheeze* Are you laughing at me?!
“If the Dragon wakes up, it might end up destroying everything and extinguishing all life. Even so… Ahaha aha ahahaha ahahahahahaha! *cough* *gasp* *cough* Even, so, I’ll be alive. Me and the Dragon will be the only things left alive in the whole wide world! I’m more than ready for that possibility. Ahaha ahahahahaha! *cough* *cough* *gasp* *wheeze* With my eternal life, I will see the world through to its end. Until everyone who won’t like me is gone.
“Thank you for playing along with me all the way to the end like this. I’m actually a pretty nice guy, wouldn’t you say? Aha ahaha.”
The song that plays during the fight with Porky has so much meaning in it. It starts off sounding like the ultimate Pigmask army song, with the heaviest use of the timpani and brass so far. When the synth comes to play the Pigmask theme, it sounds imposing and eerie, as if saying, “It’s really him: Porky, the one behind it all.” After that, the whole orchestra plays the second part of the Pigmask theme in grand fashion; this is the final boss! But at the 1 minute mark, all of the energy in the song dies out and only a few instruments remain to slowly drag across the rest of the song, much like Porky’s own energy level. He talks like a rambunctious child one moment, and the next, he’s coughing like an old man, struggling to get his bearings. However, it still sounds hostile due to the drums. It doesn’t matter how much energy Porky has left to fight; all that matters is if his machine still works. The call-and-response arpeggios are the most unique part of the song. In the midst of this dead, slow-paced section, lightning-fast arpeggios of two different instruments dance around each other. I interpret this as the grueling struggle between two forces in the mud of war. At certain points, the percussion intensifies, symbolizing the clash of two different wills. When one instrument calls, the other responds with the exact same verse; they are of equal capabilities. Next, comes the melody of Monkey’s Delivery Service, which was also Tazmily’s theme in the Nintendo 64 version. A synth plays wobbly and uneasily, thinking back on the things Porky has done to the village. It all started with the Happy Boxes that Salsa delivered. Once everybody got hooked, the village began to die. We’re then taken back to the call-and-response section. Lucas is reminded of who he’s fighting, and he’s not pulling any punches; neither is Porky.
After you do enough damage to his machine, this happens:
Porky retreats into his Absolutely Safe Capsule for the time being, where he can never be hurt. If you try attacking the Capsule, you do 0 damage to it. Porky cannot hurt you either, so the battle is, by definition, over. Dr. Andonuts was watching the fight go down, and he appears once it’s safe. He explains that in order to be absolutely safe, the Capsule can never be exited, unbeknownst to Porky. Using the implications that Porky gave us about his immortality due to time travel, we know that Porky will remain inside the Absolutely Safe Capsule until the end of time, only having a tiny window to look out. Porky has stated that he’s lived so long that he’s lost count of his age. He did everything he had ever dreamed of doing, and he was ready to end it all in a spectacular, grand finale of the world. But because he used the Absolutely Safe Capsule, he will be stuck in a cell with nothing but his mind and feeble body, where he will stay alive by an infinitely long thread.
I can not imagine a fate any worse for Porky than hell itself. Even though you probably hate him, can’t you feel a sliver of pity for what has just happened to Porky?
Porky Minch grew up in the suburban town of Onett with his little brother, Picky. A cowardly young boy, he had always admired Ness for his bravery; he was the one who helped find his lost brother on the night of the meteor crash. Up on the hill of the crater, Buzz Buzz told a prophecy of four children who would gloriously save the world. Porky frightfully rejected it, and came home to an angry father who beat him for going out at night. He watched Ness in safety as he courageously conquered evil. Sometime during Ness’s quest, the evil Giygas entered Porky’s heart, and he began having wicked thoughts. He became a leader in the cult of Happy Happyism, where he helped kidnap and imprison Paula, one of the four heroes of prophecy. Ness, in his righteous strength, singlehandedly overtook the entire cult, making its figurehead disband the entire organization after Ness defeated the evil that possessed him. Porky, not yet fully corrupt, apologized and tried to befriend Ness. However, due to his quiet nature, Ness never responded. From that point onward, Porky was embittered and pledged allegiance to Giygas as his right-hand boy. He began to work for Fourside’s mayor, giving him malicious political and economic advice. Through that, he and his family had become quite wealthy, enjoying the splendors of the World. Ness eventually caught up to him at Fourside, where he eradicated all traces of Giygas’s influence in the area. When the mayor apologized to Ness, Porky stole his helicopter in order to advance Giygas’s plans. Over the course of time, Ness had become greatly powerful. When he was ready to face Giygas, Dr. Andonuts built him a time machine to reach him. However, Porky snatched the machine for himself and assisted Giygas in his own time period. When Ness inevitably caught up to Porky, they had a battle for the ages. Ness emerged victorious, and Porky fled to another time.
Porky traveled to every point in history, doing whatever he pleased. Due to the effects of time travel, his body stopped growing. With all the power he had, Porky never had to learn any lessons in behavior. Whatever mistakes he made, he could retroactively fix. With infinite time, he had all the knowledge of the world, but none of the heart. With incomparable power, he could force anyone to do anything for him. But eventually, his actions caught up with him, and he was somehow banished from every time and space he entered. The final age left untouched was that of Tazmily’s. He had seen and done almost everything possible; the only thing he had left to do was to completely destroy the world. In preparation, he built himself the city of his dreams, where he had every pleasure imaginable. He created machines that brainwashed all living things into being his friends. With the help of Locria and Claus, he toyed with the last islands on earth, turning them upside down, twisting them 180 degrees, cutting them in half, and sticking some metal to them to become his living diorama. He allowed Lucas to pull three of the Needles while he pulled three of his own in a scripted game of life and death. However, he made the crucial mistake of extending Lucas’s leash a little too long, which got Porky to impulsively enter the Absolute Capsule, where he will watch the current world to its end. His plans still have a chance to succeed. If the Masked Man reaches the seventh Needle before Lucas, Porky’s wishes may still be granted.
Will the Masked Man pull the Needle, or will Lucas? This concludes part 27 of the analysis. In the next part, we will see who is victorious.